gravity has got a hold on us all

work...boring
sunny outside
escape soon

all I can say is too much, too little

fire hydrants with faces...
better.

for some reason I went back
and read one of your old e-mails tonight...
and couldnt stop.

its a good thing you dont have a cell phone...
because I couldnt have helped but call.
oki. its 1.56am on Saturday the 11th of June
and I am 100% officially over the long distance thing ;)
its funny, as Ive started to look seriously
into attempting the Gap
(well, not seriously
it's just an excuse to write some
of my more interesting
contacts)
its not the guerillas that frighten me...
(though Im not crazy about 13 year olds with AK's)
its having to say goodbye to you in the airport again...
that was awful.
which means that I shouldn't go right?
I haven't quite figured that out yet...

Im not going to write much more about it...
most of the things Im hearing would just worry you--
and right now Im much, much more interested in hearing
about what your doing.

Thanks for taking the time to write me Faith.
I know that you don't have alot of time...
I know that sometimes you've had no time
and have written me anyway.
Its not necessary babe, but Im so grateful.
But I don't hear as much detail as Id like about anything...
when you get back we should spent a few days on a blanket
in the park catching up.

alright...
one of us should sleep tonight...
:)

praise be the hands that brought this to earth

I had one of those
nosleeptoomuchcoffee
dancingwitholdladiesinthestore
wheneasylikesundaymorningplayed.

We're watching Wonder Boys...
which Ive seen 2 times this year
and love...
then headed out to paint faces on
every fire hydrant in the city.

Your up right now...
Im sure.
Hair dyed some fabulous colour
that I would love.
Your weekend sounds lovely Faith...
though I do wish that some of it had
been spent with me ;)

I had abit of a makeover today...
my rockstar hair-dresser came home
and cut off abit of my hair
and I bought some new glasses
that a random girl told me looked hot.
(I hope that you think the same thing!)
Its not that much of a change,
Im just a cleaned up, sexier version of myself.
(Ill try and tone it down before you get back)

I received a note from Robert Young Pelton today
he's a journalist most famous for being with the
Special Forces in Afghanistan when they captured
John Lindh Walker... It was neat to hear from him.

Its so nice to be able to say that there are less than
2 months left until you step off the plane in Calgary...
less than 2 months is almost 1.

Im sure that your essay turned out wunderbar-fully.
You are so very hip Faith,
and Im so very proud to be associated with you.

I love you babe.
Im out to de-face public property now...

song of the night is clearly
easy like sunday morning by faith no more

I spoke to Laurae Woods tonight,
she sent me some engagement photos.
Shes getting married in August...
about the time you get back.
It seemed like such a short time to her.
That made me smile.

back again...

are we required to let the other know
when we've been drinking abit?
I dont think we should be...
the other person is bound to notice...

Kenn is off to New York for some big
theatre thingy...tonight was his going away party.
Jae loves tequila...
if you ever wanted to take advantage of me
all you would have to do is purchase a bottle of
Cabo Wabo Resposado and do that bitey lip thing.

At 11 o'clock things had become abit odd...
I excused myself and called my sisters to take me home.
I pride myself on being to relate to all kinds of people...
but tonight, I just didnt feel like it.
I just wanted to be with you.
or to talk with you or about you.
I like some of these people...I really do.
I could even say that I "love them to pieces"
but some of their friends, and their friends friends friends
I could do without.

mental note...drinking makes me miss you more.

I hope you were smiling before you read this,
and still are after your finished...
You worry too much babe...
let me do some of it for you.

I love this song...
for me, its part of our future
soundtrack. You'll hear me
humming it when you get back...
Im sure of it.

sigh...
I have some interesting friends...
When Kurt gets exciting he starts
to speak mostly in Spanish...
which I can only partially understand.
He has interesting ideas about love...
which I find interesting...but dont share.

Today was a busy day for alot of reasons.
There is a couple form Idaho that has done
several trips through the Gap and had published
a guide book on how to get through. They stopped
publishing it in 2004...and dont seem to want to talk to me...
Im trying to get enough people together for them to
reprint it...so far...so good.

hmm...maybe you dont want to hear about such things.
Im sorry. I dont know what to do.
But if I am going to do such foolishness.
I should do them before decide that you want
to keep me.

maybe we should pretend that Im not going to go...
and that your not gone. maybe...just for awhile
ill pretend that I get to see you tomorrow.

When is school done there Faith?
What countries are you seeing?
When are you in Berlin?
When are you going to talk to me next?

I wonder at least once a week about what
its going to be like to have our families in the
same room...I mean...our whole families...
(including Carl)

Im so glad that he's getting married.
Can I assume that I get to be your plus 1?
I promise to clean up...a little...
I also cant wait to meet your brother and
your babies :)

Gah I miss you.

Song of the night will remain
unnamed for the time being.
But its good.
real good.

how bright the sky

my mother likes you faith...alot

while sitting at the dinner table tonight
she suggested that instead of my going to
Colombia this fall...I wait until next summer
and rent a little Villa on a coastal spanish town...
with you.

I have a feeling that your parents
wouldnt be so enthusiastic ;)

Im jetting out for the night.
(though I know Ill write later)
I hope the Rocky Horror Picture show was lovely.

You seemed a little stressed this morning.
I know that I can;t be there with you...
but I can pray for you.

a northern sky

there is no way that I could let
that be the only thing I wrote today.

what a difference talking to you made...
I had to make myself stop smiling
because my face was starting to hurt.

I have some things I have to work on tonight...
so this will be short.
But I wanted to thank-you...

It might make you feel better to know
that Jeremy is less interested in going
unless we are going to do the gap...
which Im not really interested in.
not really. oki, kinda.
but
right now Im thinking I should stay
in regina until december and save up
money so we can go to africa.
does that sound better?

Really, I dont want to go anywhere that your not.

...

I want to cry.
Justina, the girl that my brother
dated for 7 years, came into the store
today.
She's been traveling around the world
for the last 19 months--
we always kinda assumed they would
get back together...
but apparently...she got married last month.
my mother almost cried right there.
my sister cried in the car when I told her.
All I can think about is my brother.

all that Ive missed

"theres a box of things in the basement"
my mom said.
"I think they're yours"

and they were.
I keep things, you know,
silly things.

lots of them were in this box.
I wont bother going through all of it.
Lots of letters I didnt send...
lots of stories I started and didnt finish well.
I counted them up though and can say without
a doubt...that I have never written anyone more than you.
Interesting to go back and read my mind.

It seems I might have some news for you tomorrow,
depending on how some phone calls go.
Im not sure what I want to happen.
Im feeling abit overwhelmed tonight.
I wish you were here,
so you could hug me and tell me
that everything was/will be alright.

Which of course...it will.

I have this whole rant on love
and postmodernity (whatever that means)
that Im working out...
it took up alot of CPU time today.
imagine if John Donne had to write now...
what was romantic, is now unbalanced...

Was the play wonderful?
I hope so.
Will you have your own appartment in Berlin?

I did get cookies today...
they werent very good,
but It annoyed my sister
and that made them awesome.

peoples minds werent built for the comprehension
of largeness--at a certain point things overwhelm us
and become just numbers.
(only in comparison to one another do the distances
between the stars seem different to me)
most of the time 7000 miles is just a number
tonight I know exactly how far it is...

well, not really.
but I thought it sounded neat.

2 months tomorrow.
That seems so long ago.
Time like toffee,
all stretched out
and sweet.

Its 2. am.
and I promised my alter-ego
that Id go play in dreamland abit
longer tonight.
It is, as far as I know, the fastest way to Germany.

Remember that Garreth takes over tomorrow...
at least for a little bit.
Im reminding you do you dont think Ive had a stroke.
He's not a very good typer...but he does know the
difference between "your" y "you're"

I had a little musical love affair with Jellyfish today.
It was exactly what I wanted to listen to.
they increase the size of my sighs...
but in that good way.

So good. So good.
I believe it to be some of the best pop
music ever. Top 25 bands all time.
You won't like them, and thats alright.
Song of the night is everything off of Spilt Milk
except for He's My Best Friend.


Enough with this late night existentialism
(theistic mind you, but still)

Im just going to listen to these 2 songs once more...

Good Afternoon Babe.

G-d's gift to Oxygen

well, there you are.

before I start off with todays palabras
(is that even a word!?)
I have an interjection

I love that you wrote me 4 times today.
But I have to say that I feel abit guilty
about potentially making you feel guilty.
I was joking, which Im sure you knew...
and you've made it very clear that its not
the quantity of my writings that make
you write less, but the quality...

This gave me an idea.
I have hired a 9 year old boy named Garreth
(who is as cute as not 1, but 2 buttons)
In exchange for 5 dollars and the occasional
chocolate dip cone, Garreth has agreed to
come over to my house and after carefully
listening to what it is I want to tell you
type it out for me...in his own words.

I will never be Sad to get e-mails from you faith,
but I hope you know that its not a competition.
What is a competition is how much you'll write me
when IM gone someplace, sometime...

It wasnt that I was numb this morning--
it was that I couldnt move...
or rather...that I was suprised when I could.
The wall between my conscious and un has a door
thats wide open in the morning. Things wander back and
forth as they please.
I should warn you that I have accused people of saying things
they havent ever said...outside of my grey-matter.
(there are usually clues in the memory--Bj has, as far as I know,
never dressed up as a giant penguin and beaten me with foam bats)

Oki, one story, and then I go.
Thats probably a lie.

I went to go see Talis today.
I needed something,
and I wanted to talk to him.
He is a wise, and intelligent.
I may have mentioned that Germany
had stolen my girlfriend.
"Germany", he said, "I like it there"
He's an idiot.
He proceded to tell me a story
that helped me explain what you both
like so much about it.
Ask me later and Ill tell you about it.
(its chalked full of neo-nazis,
with a suprise ending)

I have all kinds of conversations going on.
Some of which are important.

more later.

white snow vacant page

I think what you said to me today
was that if I write less words and well

you would write me more...
sounds good to me.

What classes are you taking?
Why is it more expensive?

I spent the majority of several
dreams last night paralysed from the waist down.
When I woke up, there was a too long period
where I was suprised to find that I could move my legs...
that I was able to walk. I had to lie there,
and convince myself that it was so.
I go through I similiar process everytime I read or hear
that your in love with me...

I wish I had time to make eggs.
and didnt have to go sell light bending apparatus.
But I have hope my day with be good as well.

sleeplessness talk to me

I tried to go to bed.
but I had to write you one more time.
or maybe Ill just sit here and think about you...
look at that picture I have of you sticking your tongue out.
(which I love, incidently)

i had this whole thing I was going to write tonight
comparing loving you to math.
im glad that jeremy interupted me.
I think it would have been silly.
It seems clear to me now its much more
like making crepes ;)

I was in the store today...
and Kenn starts to tell me how
the more options one has...
the harder it is to be satisfied
with what you have.
I disagreed; I said
"the more options I have, the better
I feel about the choice Ive made"
he informed me that this statement
was a product of my fuzzy thinking.
Im pretty sure we were talking about glasses...

Chris is up.
Hes not feeling well.
I wonder about him...
how he is doing.
Im afraid to say that he
is one of my cautionary examples
he seems to...
wait...whats this?
nevermind.

I say: you know
the silence is as important as the notes
(what does that even mean? he seems to have bought it)

Im going to let you in on a little secret faith...
most of the time...I have no idea what the hell Im saying

whats important is not making sense,
but having a reputation for making sense.
I picked one up at some point...which means
that now, in the right group of people,
I can say some complete nonsense like
"the silence is as important as the notes"
and be met with no opposition.

I should really be evil.

There are different kinds of missing I think.
Strains of missingness.
I can identify at least 5 distinct varieties.
This song makes me miss you in that
"I cant stop smiling 'cause YOU'RE so stellar" way.

Chris tells me that no matter how much you love someone
you still need breaks from them. Is that true? Probably...I guess.
Thats why I like the idea of us both traveling about...
I always want to miss you when your gone.

I love staying up and writing you.
Does it sound strange to say that I like
giving things up for you? I do.
Im sorry If thats creepy.

Rachet better have my shirt ready tomorrow
like in the deal.

alright

bed...ish.

I wish I could talk to you as I fell asleep...
le sigh.

then we'll be just fine

do you think its going to take
time for us to adjust to being together
when you get back?

I hope so.
sounds like fun.

Im looking forward
to that first time I get
to kiss you again...

So...I love you.
Again there are all these
voices. I want to say it all
the time. To tell you everytime
I talk to you...send you e-mails
in the middle of the day...pay
strangers on the street to
come up to you and tell you

but I also want you to know
what I mean by it...how much it means
to me...how much you mean to me.
Which makes me think I should use it sparringly.

I know its happened quickly faith,
quicker than I imagined possible
--at least for me, I remember a friend
of mine who had something similar
happen to her...how quickly she fell
in love with with someone she'd
known for years...I take back everything
I said about it...it all makes sense to me now.--
but even though you do make me abit silly sometimes
Im not crazy, YOU'RE an argument Ive been having
with my heart for close to 6 years.
Its something that Ive put a tremendous amount
of thought into...and continue to...

Im talking to jeremy,
who tells me that he is used to people
dying. No one should have to say that.
he wants me to go to the Darien this fall...
I have yet to register for school...
Im afraid its making alot of sense to me...
Though Im sure it will pass

mr. fancy pants says:
we should do something rash and irresponsible...
mr. fancy pants says:
like the darien
mr. fancy pants says:
this fall
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
this fall?
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
possible
mr. fancy pants says:
sure
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
no, seriously
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
I didnt register for school
mr. fancy pants says:
i am serious
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
so am I
mr. fancy pants says:
right
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
actually
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
no
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
really
mr. fancy pants says:
we're going to talk ourselves into it
mr. fancy pants says:
i'm in
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
it would give me a reason not to have to go to school
mr. fancy pants says:
cra[
mr. fancy pants says:
crap
mr. fancy pants says:
i did it already
Jae'than - Your my brand new Story says:
what
mr. fancy pants says:
talk myself into it
mr. fancy pants says:
i mean
mr. fancy pants says:
well,
mr. fancy pants says:
there's no real danger in this world
mr. fancy pants says:
unless your jogging on a golf course in canmore
mr. fancy pants says:
or driving from winkler to the winnipeg airport
mr. fancy pants says:
or hiking to an easy iceclimb

he is referring, of course, to the 3
friends of his that have died this year.

sigh

what I forgot to mention tonight is that
my next family re-union is in belize...
this next summer.
You would certainly be invited if you can
put up with me for that long.
I have a pretty cool family.
Damnit.
Damnit.
Which means that I might not get to go
someplace else this >


ah...I cant remember what I was saying.

Kat talked some sense into me
but I understand where jeremy is coming from...
we have lots of friends doing silly things that have lived...
and many people that are not...and are dead.

We'll send out some e-mails
and see just how stupid it is.
Maybe the AUC will have disarmed.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Id so much rather go to africa with you.




have the best day faith.
I hope I get to talk to you soon.

song of the night is Faith by Nizlopi

and I do love you faith.
oh! I love saying it.

blue crayola eyes

its 2 in the afternoon
Ive just come home from
work to drop off some
perogies this nice old lady
made us.

argh.

msn has just informed me
that jeremy has lost another
friend. She was mauled by a bear
...
married, 7 year old daughter.


please take care faith
I dont want to lose you.

can't quite seem to...

get to bed.

was out late,
and now am chatting to
dean about recipe nonsense.
tell me, what kind of grown
man stays up to argue about cheese sauce?
or needs to wander through the toy section
at walmart once a month
"just to see whats new"

now we are arguing about the same thing
we always argue about...
whether or not muslims are going to hell.
(dean thinks everyone is going to hell)
The passage he keeps on throwing at me
is "...no one comes to the father except by me"

Im not sure what I think of this...
but I do know that Lewis felt that the
most compelling evidence we have of G-ds
existance is our inherent morality...
and mine tells me that condemning people
based on dogmatic differences is wrong.
Its relationship that matters, isnt it?

They dont have a relationship with Christ
-says Dean

True...but Christ is God.
Isnt having a relationship with one
having a relationship with the other?

What I do know is that there are
Muslims and Hindus and Bahais
that I would stand beside over
many "dogmatically correct" Christians.

I really dont like most of us.
Yes, I know thats Bad.
Really I think we should all
just stick crayons up our noses
(have you seen that simpsons?)

I dont know Faith,
about so many things.

Lets try and figure them out together k?

bed now.

Song of the Night clearly
Call it up by Nizlopi

YOU'RE wonderful babe.
thanks again for calling.

you. awesome.

Oh, I love it that you called today!

I owe you.
Money. Time. FootRubs
you name it.

sitting in a tree

Oh Morning
Oh Night

I suppose it depends on
which one of us you ask.

Im having one of those miss-you
mornings.

holding up the bypass

I have to write once more
before I jet to bed.

Not to say anything in Particular.

I believe that you are on your way to Cologne now.

If I can have my way, and effect things via mind waves
YOU'RE on the banks of the Rhein sipping wine with
people you like slightly less than me.

I plan to do the same tomorrow....minus the Rhein, and the wine.
(in case no one told you..rhyming is fun)

Im tired.

I wish I could talk to you tonight...
listen to you talk about rooms in
the house we'll have together well I slowly
fade from awake.

Im going to make a concerted effort
to appreciate Modern Art (Read: post-1930's)
Id hate for you to end up with someone that
couldnt compare the styles of Jackson Pollack
and Joe Fafard.

Yes, even that babe, there is little I would
not attempt for you...thats part of this whole
Love thing I think.

Travelling without Moving.

I have to say...
before I start

That Im so thankful that I got
to talk to you till the wee hours of the morning...
Im sorry that you got into trouble--
but Im afraid that I cant regret it.