good day sunlight

I watched Star Wars tonight...
It was alot better than I expected.
I'll admit that I got a little teary towards
the end.

There were some legitimate points raised...
and Anakins transition to Darth Vader
was much more believable than I would have thought.
I have to say, all the worst stories Ive heard
start off with a beautiful woman...



How was Kingdom of Heaven?
How are you?
Whats popcorn like in Germany?

Its about 1am here,
so I should head to bed...
But Im going to write you for 5 more
minutes.

or....at least stare at the screen abit longer.
Id like to here about the soccer game...
if you dont have time to write about it now
Ill ask you again, on a long drive to someplace
lovely this fall.

song of the night is clearly
"because I told you so" - jonatha brooke

my sister is watching eternal sunshine again.
so its almost like I didnt move from last night at all...
I mean, quite abit happened in between here and then
most of it was great, some not so...but right now...
It all just seems like filler between these 2 points.
I suspect my summer will seem the same way.

oki, oki
I was going to try not to write things like that anymore
but I cant help it, you fill my mind full of such nonsense...
the scary thing is I suspect some of it might be true.

I dont think that Ill get to talk to you this weekend...
which I dont like...but Im out tomorrow night
and then Im gone for awhile.
Ill have my cell with me though, even though
I wouldnt be able to talk for long...
but Id love to hear your voice.

I will miss you though, as I always do
I hope your day was marvelous.

I have to say...I have intentionally
not been counting the days...
but I do know that as of this wednesday
its only 75 more days until I get to see you.
and its only 3 days until wednesday...
wait...I guess I am counting the days.

brightly coloured paper

"I'm sorry my writing has been so superficial as of late"

she says.

I'd like to be the something that you never
thought you needed to worry about...
seriously,
Ill be waiting for you at the airport
slightly less than 3 months from now
whether or not you write me
another e-mail.
(unless it said "Jae, don't wait for me at the airport":)

Its hard to do sometimes
(I know you have no idea what Im talking about;)
but I just assume things are going to go well,
that the summer will pass and we'll be able
to hold hands and eat cheese together.

I just like getting e-mails from you Faith,
whatever they may be about.

Its May Long now,
which as you might imagine...
means I have a long weekend of Reading planned.
(Im joking...I think Im going camping with alot of
people I don't know...or don't remember)

Id love to talk to you right now.
Its only 11 there...
maybe you'd still be up...
maybe.

I hope you have the great weekend faith.

clouds my vision

well, Im late for work...which is bad
but I am having a sexy day....which is g-er...bad
(Ill try to save them all till you get back)

I should jet out

morning time

hope your day went well.
strange dreams last night

Im going to go to bed and have more of them

all you have to do.

well, faith
I didnt get to talk to you for as
long as I wanted to.
(around 83 hours)
so Im going to write to you for awhile.

Rachets watching "Eternal Sunshine"
the handsome is taking off for college this
fall--to Nova Scotia.
I think they have decided to call it off...
that the distance would just be too much.
I understand, but can't relate.

+

Chelsey got ahold of me tonight,
apparently she has eating a sandwich
that reminded her of me.
(I didnt ask what kind...I thought I might be insulted)
She is terribly interesting (but horribly unattractive...really)
and ours has to be one of the stranges friendships I have.
We used to hang out alot, but at some point we just decided
that we weren't going to see one another anymore.
We still talked alot...just didnt hang out, and it was nice...
I called her "my floating head friend", its nice to have someone
thats interested in your life but has no real attachment to you.
anyway, it looks like we might get together this next weekend
she has braces now, and doesnt want me to see them
but I want to make sure shes alright.

I was talking to my Gma this morning about you...again.
You make my feel like Im experiencing emotion that is new
under the sun.
That no man has ever missed a girl as much as I miss you.
Thats probably not true though...
When my Gma was my age lots
of boys were off in Germany...missing the people they'd left behind.
It turns out that my she wrote letters to a boy she knew...
It makes me feel abit silly.

I had several things that I wanted to mention tonight
not important things...just things.
I cant even remember most of them.

This movie now reminds me of you.
2 people in a relationship, break it off, and try
to forget eachother...but can't...


I think that I might call you again sometime...
it wasnt so bad...
not so bad at all...

and I loved talking to you.
I like to sit and imagine all the things
we're going to do together when you get back.

sometimes its just images, us sitting on a blanket
in the park...laughing about something.

I hope your test went well, and your dialogue was finished.

thanks for being unforgettable

I work tomorrow...and then Im jetting out.
But Ill write you again soon.

song o' the night
is Joshua Radin's Closer.
quite, sad, but hopeful.
nice strings.

until soon.

once, I played a guitar so beautiful that it actually made me cry 

once in a lifetime

oki, I was wrong...
the potatoes seemed fine.

boo-urns to me

uh...
I made an error today.
which means that your CD
will take a little bit longer.

Im sorry Faith,
Ill make it up to you
if you'll let me.

I do hope that you call tonight,
but I also want you to sleep in...

the part of me that wants you to call
is the selfish part I guess...
so maybe I should hope that you don't call...
I cant seem to do that.

I stopped in to see Kenn today
and he informed me that he had planned
our first grift...
the problem is...I dont want to steal anything
especially money.
That seems less like grifting, and more like...
stealing.

We were talking about heartbreak the other day
(I do feel bad for Blake by the way...really)
he just finished telling me some horrible story
about a girl that had broken his heart...
and I say...
"Geez, Kenn, any other personal tragedies
you want to confess"

and he says

"When I was 19 my fiance died...
she was pregnant with my child"



you see, the thing is, I was joking
what the hell do you say to something like that?

I thought that you liked Blakes Girlfriend?
Oh, Im not planning to break up with you...
anytime soon;)
(I might run away to a monastery)

my g-ma and I have this little game we play
where she tries to make me eat food that I think
is old...and I try to hide it, or throw it away

todays contestants were some potatoes that had
clearly sprouted and were abit soft.
seriously.
we live 2 blocks from the grocery store.
I enjoy going there, and picking up the FRESH
produce that Im going to use over the next few days.

Today, she told me I was strange, and that it was obvious
I had never been hungry...which is true.
I don't think that means I should have to eat sprouty potatoes
though.

Im a food snob I guess.
Ill try and work on that.

I didn't forget to miss you today either.

the forks 

measure of the fall

yip,
so...that gives you an idea of what
your parents saw.

these pictures dont to it justice...
really.

we are still selling it though...I think...
so you shouldnt date me just so you
can have it.
(Ill buy another one in argentina)

but I would like to take you there
when you get back.

oki...I jet now...

fall, which is the best time of year there...maybe 

rachet on the beach 

the river...and the best dog I will ever have 

horsies. I didnt like looking after them, but I loved having them around. Can you ride? Would you be against having some? 

I took this standing on a really tall ladder 

and not to yield.

yes, I would love to come and cook for you.
Im up now... (I slept until 11ish)
it turns out that sleeping in isnt better than you.

Im headed out and about.
I have some people to suprise.

ah!

you've made it so I can't look at
a calender without sighing...
but time and space are relative, yes?

I believe that If I could construct a machine
that could travel close to the speed of light...
You would get to spend all your wonderful time there...
but only a few days would go by for me!

its brilliant! its impossible! damnit!

those pictures just came...Ill post some of them pronto.

back to sleep...

"if I don't call though, please don't hate me..."

faith, if Im willing to wait months, Im willing to wait days.

best thing ever

possibly you...
possibly sleeping in...
I wont be able to tell
until you get back.
;)
apparently, I can write things
in such a way that you are unable to see them.
Im going to go to bed now.
I miss you Faith. So much. Enough that
it scares me sometimes... I just never thought that...
I mean...I didnt really even believe in...
you see...I'd really given up hope on...
sigh
thanks

follow you

oki,

I loved that phone call.
you are such a cutey.


in fact Ive decided that all
subsequent phonecalls should
only be 7 minutes long.

it seems that I have the day off
tomorrow,
Ill go through abit more of John then...

you asked some questions in your e-mails
Ill answer those before I move on.

1) when does this need to happen in order for you to keep that shiny dollar?

before Kat, but we have some time, she has no
immediate plans to go.

2) How many children do you think we can take back?

I believe the legal limit is 3.

3) Do we really have to come back?

Yes, but just to visit our friends, and the family
members we like.

4) What do I you think of Adoption.

In general? or specific my myself, or you and I?
Generally I think that adoption is a good thing.
It seems so obvious, children that need love, being
raised by people that can give it.

I think that gay couples should be allowed to adopt--
though I dont think its ideal.

The same thing applies to me I guess. I think I should
be allowed to adopt, and certainly think I would...
But I dont think its ideal.
There are several factors involved.
The concept of legacy, of "continuing the line"
though not in the top 5 reasons I would want
to have a child...does sneak into the top ten.

When my sun steals a car at age 9, or causes
a riot in his junior highschool...
It would be nice to be able to say that he and
I had some shared makeup.
Even appearance wise, I suspect that it means
something to my father to look into my eyes
and see his.
(though hopefully the kids would look like you ;)

so, the short answer
would I adopt a child and love them
as my own? yes.

Thats one of the things about
the Journalism...its something
that I could do that would allow me
(and you, if you'd come with me)
to live in a place like Africa--

It would probably mean I would get shot though.
It would also mean being stuck in Regina...blah.
It happens to be the one good program they have there.

argh. Regina for 2 years.
Id rather move to Saskatoon.
But just to be safe, I think that Ill probably
still end up in Calgary.
Im going to retrieve my meager
material goods this next weekend...
Ill let everyone know that my moving
back is contingent on my having the best
time ever. Should be interesting.

I didnt forget to miss you today.
In case you were wondering...
I scheduled some time between 14.00
and 14.15.

about work,
blah blah blah actress
blah blah blah asian guy
blah blah blah tired

I was going to send you some photos tonight...
but they did not arrive.
Its going to take me awhile to get the pictures
that I took at the farm developed...but I had
some old ones that I thought you might like to see.

Anyway, this asian fellow, I want to write about
him some more. He came in looking for glasses--
but I always have to chat to people...ask them where
they work, what they do, and anything else that
strikes my fancy. When we started talking about
photojournalism he asked me if Id heard of
James Natchwey (my hero) which made me like
him immediately. We talked about chinese politics
and then he tried to convince me to come to china
to do photojournalism. He seemed to actually
believe that journalist could be good people--
that they could make a difference.

I was pretty sure that was what I wanted to do
for a long time. I came back so jaded though...
Its just starting to wear off now.
whatever am I to do Faith.

oki, Im going to stop asking that.
write after I figure our whatever Im going to do.

Im so glad you called me this morning.
Did i say that already?
up at the top? Its worth saying twice.
Maybe even three times.
Im so glad you called me this morning.

Seriously though, dont worry about tiny
things like not calling me for the 2nd time
in one day when you've already written me
2 e-mails. I guess I can pretend to be annoyed if you
want me too.

There is some good music on this CD...
I have to say. I hope you like at least some of it.

I could use a hug right now,
not for any specific reason...
I just want one--from you.

there is, unfortunately, no substitute.

100% percent of the people from saskatoon
I have talked to today have been looking at
sad clown pictures...
this, Faith, is why--as wonderful as you are
I could not live there.
(Im maybe probably sorta kinda kidding-ish)

Im running out or battery, and awakeness.

Take care Babe.
I won't forget to miss you today either.

oh...the song thing.
I had one...and now Ive forgotten.

wait

Follow You - Josh Kelley
that makes sense.

Bouncy and stellar...reminds me of you.

I was just thinking...

I've got! to finish your CD's tonight.
to there won't be as much posting tonight--
can you forgive me?

I do have abit of news--
but Ill get to that, and the
questions you asked later.

its difficult, Im used to making
CD's that are tailored to a persons
specific taste...
Im not really sure what yours is...
so this CD is really just about trial and error.

Lost is on...my family thinks its stupid
damn them.

Kat says you can have this one. 

without you

alright,
Im going to send that CD off
but I warn you...
I have found every sad song
that man has created.

listen with care.

I have alot to pick from tonight
but...Im going to have to go with
Riley Armstrong - Melting

this is another one of those songs that makes
me consider joining a monastery.

thanks for calling me babe,
getting up early...
Im not sure Im interesting enough to warrant
sleep loss.

I never worry less about us
than after Ive talked
to you.

I love your voice, and that cute
intake of breath thing...and the
way you hurry the sentences
your embarrassed of.

I know Im abit odd about some things...
Id like blame it on the distance but probably can't
Fortunately for you, Ive made alot of my mistakes
on other people...
I dont want to make any with you...
it makes me abit more cautious than you deserve--

several things

I think that Im going to get a tattoo next month
I believe that Ive told you this before...
Ill send the pictures afterwards.

I think we should go to Africa
we could do Aid work for awhile
which would help you get into med school
and give me something to write about--

we might even help some people--

but thats really a secondary concern.

plus there are so many black babies there

they totally wouldnt notice if you took one.

not a bad plan I think.
besides...I have to beat kat to Somalia
or I owe her a shiny dollar.

I'm an ice-cube melting

big political drama at home today
MP hotty Belinda Stronach
has crossed the floor.

exciting stuff.
it should stop the conservative push for an election.

I have such a great time at work...
except for the crazy lady that works in the
doctors office next door...
I would try and get her fired...
but shes his wife.
There was alot of crazyness in the store
today.

I think that I get to talk to you tonight
so I wont type much more.

something like work.

Im there.

well...my body is

my mind has left for the morning--
taken the astral expressway to rest
on the grass of some nepalian valley

if I could climb through the telephone line...

ya, Im having one of those moments
where germany seems like the moon...
and 3 months like forever.

I just want to fast forward and watch the ending.

morning after

I can never go to sleep after Ive read your e-mails...
I did try...but its no use.

"love to pieces" eh?
as long as mine are smaller pieces ;)

I hope you had a great time tonight.
I can see any reason why I wouldnt be home around
the time you might be calling...
so---I will talk to you later

part of the drill...

I dont think Im going to do this for the
entire time you gone...
but I have a tendency to listen
along with my mood...
so in theory, letting you know what
song Im listening to should give you
a clue to what I was feeling.

so...

Mathew Jay - Only Meant to Say

he jumped off a building...which is bad
but, except for this strange bit near the end,
this song is great...and most of his other songs are too.
power pop, but of the worthy sort.

nope, you know...that part is so bad that Im going to have to
take that back.,

instead I give you the intolerably good Justin King...
and his wunder song - Postcard

its another song about a girl that lives too far from the boy
that likes her so m+uch that he has to write her everyday.

Id really like to go see him this fall, I think you should come with me...
in exchange we shall go see Tom Waits.
agreed?

your just getting up now I think...
and Im just going to sleep.

alright, alright
I promised myself I wasnt going
to be all syrupy.

cookies...for Shannon...
Ill get her address so you can send them.

part of the ether

the day is done.

well, almost done--nearly done.

several things.

cancer...I hate it.
I ran into a girl today that I used to go to
school with.
Shes going into palative care...
awful,
but I felt worse because I didnt remember her.
damnit.

I really like Talis.
I hope you get to meet him sometime...
I think Im going to start going to the bahai
meetings again. Im not going to convert...
I promise you, but I do appreciate their insight

I wrote a long e-mail to Shawna last night,
and received 2 pleasant replies today--
I think she just needed some time to herself.
She has a house now, so you know longer
have to worry about car snuggling.

My grandmother has a song for everything
I think that she forgotten most of
the words...over time desperate love songs have turned
into cute songs about remembering to put away
the spoons.

I was presented today, with an interesting deal
from my mother. Apparently if I meet her conditions
she will buy me the extraordinary guitar I saw today...
All I have to do is play for you.
Play for others
Submit a story to a literary magazine...

not so bad...not so bad

I received another request for editing tonight.
I haven't read it yet...maybe it will be good...

There are some wonderful ideas...
but Im not sure they are presented in the best way.
(not that Im any expert)

I hope that you had a wonderful day in...that place...
I think it started with an "M"

Where do we want to go Faith?
or, perhaps a better question
where do you want to go?
(I have a feeling that my answer would be similar)

yip, I had an interesting talk with Shannon last night...
(the girl that chris tried to unzip the pants off of)
I mentioned before that you owe her cookies
I won't explain now...I need to think more about what
she said. But really, cookies...good ones.

sigh.

2 weeks.
only many to go.
I know your having a wonderful time,
just come home to me sometime k?

song o' the night

electrical storm - u2

there is no expanation needed here...
this is, I think, the best song they've written in years
(though I prefer an alternate version)

thanks for calling tonight faith.
Id go a month without balsamic
vinegar for less time talking.

also...you owe shannon cookies.
Ill explain later.

here is the e-mail that Sara sent me

Hey guys,

hope this note finds you all well.
I'm writting this to let you know whats been going on with me and to ask for prayers. As most of you know I havent been feeling so good lately. I finally got a diagnosis earlier in the week of the MRI i had done more than a month ago and it came back positive for MS. I ask that you please remember this in your prayers. Please pray for myself, for physical, emotional, and spiritual strength. Pray that i can soon get into the MS clinic so that i can start treatment. Pray for my parents and sister as they are pretty stressed, pray also for stephan as he is having to become more and more the strong one of the two. More than anything, Praise our God, who continues to shower me with His love and continues to speak and comfort me. I know this will only be a witness of His unfailing mercy, love and greatness. Praise God that he takes someone like me to show Himself.

with love
Sara

its that last part that caught me.
Ive misjudged her, and feel awful about it.

more soon.

easy like sunday morning

you know, my mind is a complete blank right now...
its kinda nice.
Ill write later when it wakes up...

song o' the night

anything by teitur


teitur is this nerdy danish fellow that lives on this remote island--
anywho, from what I can discern--he lived a ways away from his
girlfriend too...and wasnt too happy about it.

nice voice--nice songs
I shouldnt listen to them so late

damn that stupid Tj Mccloud song.
jeffrey will pay.

again Faith I hope you have the best of days

hi, my name is Jae...I have a wonderful girlfriend.

well...Im home now.
let us never speak of it again.

there were some interesting people there,
interspersed among the crowd was this loose assocation
of individuals...you could pick them out by their names

mr. fahrenheit
mr. giggles
sugar mountain
etc.

I have...apparently been excepted into this group--
though Im not happy with any of the nick-names
they came up with.

Do you know me well enough to believe that
I would have rather been home tonight?

Again, I ran into peeps that I know...
its interesting to see how people have evolved--
anyway, I won't bother with the details--
but I will say that tonight just made me more sure of you
I have these "attacks" of missing, where I have to stop playing
bass in the airband...and just stare at the wall for awhile.

I was going to try and go up to Saskatoon tomorrow
(Bj is there, and Id love to see him again)
but I dont think I will--
Im going to sleep, and hopefully--
wake up for church

One of the things that I pride myself on is
the ability to fit in with a variety of peoples...
I tell myself Im pretty good at it--
for the most part, I think I am
but, I had a man I havent seen in many years
walk up to me in a busy room, and ask
me what it was like to be the one person that didnt belong.
I wasnt insulted...just abit taken aback--
Im not quite sure what he meant.

I did meet at least one gentleman tonight that I
hope to become friends with...
I feel he will become an integral part of the grifters.

let me tell you whats unfair...knowing whats it like to have
you gone will make it almost impossible to leave you.
(oh...but I will. South America here I come!)

I received an e-mail from Sara tonight (Shtefans novia)
she has been diagnosed with MS. Please pray for her.

I just can't leave this nature of love thing alone...
maybe its because Im looking for it--
but the last 2 days have brought some dramatically different
philosophies concerning....it.
With abit of editing it would have made a fine film...
well--a film.

Im going to try and write abit tomorrow--
maybe Ill stop saying that.

alright...I should let me body rest...and my mind race
after I do the stupid song thing

if the measure of la is this

nap. good.

kenn was filming a movie
from the toronto film festival today.
it sounded interesting,
we should watch it when you get back.

Im trying to decide whether or not I should
attempt to contact Nebraska.
If nothing else--he has some pictures that
I wouldnt mind seeing.
(I might even send some of them)

I didn't get alot of sleep last night--again
Im not sure if I mentioned that already...
you can probably just assume...
I wasnt built to be up before 11am.

Its been pleasant being back so far
there are alot of people that remember me...
people I went to school with
emloyees at the coffee shop I hung out at
people I talked to once in a walmart 7 years ago.
easy to pick out of a lineup--apparently.

Id love to talk to you--right now
call you and tell you about the traffic
between my head and heart.
But...I told myself I was going to wait until Tuesday.
I hope your having such a great time that
you don't read this until then.

alright...I should go pretty up--
I know Im expected to be entertaining tonight

more like a smile

it is both sunny and warm here...
i left work early so I could come home
and nap
(I have a feeling I should be alert tonight)
and sit in the outside
avec guitar
sans worry

I have so much that I want to tell you
alot fell out of mind yesterday...
its probably best that I dont write it now
hopefully the boring bits will dissolve.

I hope that you had the best day.
Ill write again later...
though I suppose you know that,
and you can already read the posts that
I have yet to write.