hold the line

I hope your at the concert right now! :)
and that its awesome
(Muse is a guilty pleasure of mine)

I had a dream last night
where Johnny Cash
told me that everything
was going to be ok...
then he signed my arm
and walked away.

how cool would it be to
have the man in black
as a guardian angel?

I know that it sounds odd...
but I hope that I dont hear from you
today. I know Im a cutey...
but theres too much fun to be had!

(the condition being
of course
that later,
when your close enough that
I can feel you breathing...
you'll tell me all about it.)

end of act 1

my night went a little differently
than I thought it would...
a bunch of large men and their
friends showed up at my house
informing me that
"I should get my damn bathing suit on"

one of the larger ones wandered up to me
smiling, and whispered in my ear...
"I've been drinking"

I probably could have guessed.


Music in the Park
Square dancing with strangers etc.
The night and the company was good...
But I have to say that the best
part of it was the end...
knowing that another day had passed...
that it was now only 13 days until
I see you.

over the next few weeks Im going
to make a desperate attempt to
finish some kind of writing type thing...
Im starting to get e-mails asking me
what the hell Ive been doing with my summer.
anyway, no promises...
but you know you'll be the first (maybe 2nd)
person that gets to read...anything
I might just have to come to terms with
things being just "alright".
I can always try for "good" later.

alright. I need bed.
I love you.
I wish I could explain
all that I meant by that.


[Kat walks into the room...pokes me on the forehead]


"DIDI-MAO!"
"DIDI-MAO!", she yells.

[I give her a puzzled look]

"What part of DIDI-MAO! did you not understand!"

what a weird family I have.

why orwell matters

my sister just sent you an e-mail...
which she wouldnt let me read...
that frightens me abit.

I know that it seems perfectly
reasonable to them to drop
all your plans and head to Scotland...
but its really not.
(unless I was there with you!)

I hope all your days in Paris
have been as great as the first one.
(wait....are you still in Paris?)

Today is Canada day,
hopefully you can find some
Canadians to celebrate with.
There is a big Party in the park
today that Ill saunter over to
soon enough.

I miss you faith...
and I love you...
its not just seeing you
Im looking forward to...
its being able, finally,
to talk to you for hours
about anything and everything...

take care babe.

j

paris morning

it sounds wonderful there faith...
(but you make everyplace sound wonderful)
I would certainly go back there with you.
(but I would go anywhere with you)

as for living there...
fine. as long as we get to live in Jerusalem too :)
Im not sure about the accent though...
as it stands, you about as sexy as I can handle

don't worry about calling me soon...
I would love to hear from you.
But at this point all I would talk about
is how much I missed you...
and how much I was looking forward to being there...
Im not sure how exciting that would be ;)
besides, there are only 15 days until Im with you.
that seems so much less than 7000miles.

I have people giving me books to read all the time...
but this last week was the first time that someone
has told me that there was a book they were
genuinely AFRAID to have me read.
this, of course, meant that I had to have it.

Now that Im part way into it though...
I can see what they're talking about.
Its called "Meetings with Remarkable Men"
more on this later.

Im headed out for the night...
some kind of a party with snakes...

have a wonderful day faith.

can I ask you to pick one
the paintings you saw
and tell me how you felt about it?
maybe something that I would not have
heard of?

this is, after all, what Im really jealous of...
that I miss seeing your reaction to all
the beauty that surrounds you.

love you.

because Bono says so...

faith!
please tell me that
you are going to be
at the Live8 concert tomorrow...
Im watching Bono on tv now...
talking about how they are taking
people in convoys up the M1 to
protest at the G8 summit in Dunkirk.
Do you think that you could go?
How incredible would that be?
If you can
I hope you do.
What an incredible thing to take part in.

but the greatest of these.

I bought your birthday present today.
(you probably won't like it;)
I want to tell you what it is...
but I love suprises!
(well...suprising other people)

are you in Paris babe?
Is it as lovely as it is in my mind?
Did you spend the day looking
at beautiful things?
i hope so.

today was the day that I finally went
over to Nadines for supper...
(eggplant...not real good)
I was a little worried,
it had been about 8 years since Id seen her.
But, it was good.
Strange only because her and her husband
are abit odd. (a little new-agey...but interesting)
I really liked him. His english was only slightly
better than my spanish...which meant that we
ended up speaking this sortof awkward combination of.
I adore their son though, Kai...and strangely
he adored me as well...constantly giving me these huge hugs...
crying when they tried to take him away.

I cant see myself going very often...
though it was nice to see that she ended
up with such a pleasant fellow.

it just made me miss you more...

faith,
I know that it will be a long time...
that we have some work to do...
on us...on ourselves...
(not so much...we good)
that it will be years from now
(you know...maybe 6...or 11...)
but I can't wait for that to be us
our apartment will be nicer mind you...
our child cuter...
(and able to speak english, spanish AND german)
but tonight I could not help but think how lovely
it will be.

thats right...I said "will be"...
I think that one of the things that went
wrong this last week is that I stopped assuming that
things would work out. All of the things we said are true...
we don't know...but until I have reason to think otherwise...
I don't think I will.

I know that alot of time and experience will pass before that...
(I swear I wont marry you until we've seen 4 continents together)*
but Im looking forward to that too...
tonight...Im looking forward to it all.

gah.

I have some friends from Calgary that have shown up
randomly tonight...its nice to be missed....
so...I guess I should go...

really, I just know, looking back this will all seem too short.

have the best paris day faith.
handsome luc says you should check out the catacombs...
I love you.

yip...you wont like your present at all.

*I didnt really think about this before I wrote it.
But Ive decided thats its true...in fact...Im going
to go get a bible and swear on it...in front of witnesses.

orange sky

Thank you so much for
calling me this morning!!

If you only knew,
that you'd made my day...
that I did this weird little dance
when I got off the phone with you...
the girl I am so in love with.

Im at work now...
and its raining,
I havent turned the lights on yet...
just sitting...listening to this lovely song...
and wishing that I was with you.

hail, hail to the lucky ones.

captain fantastic and the brown dirt cowboy

I was driving through the wal-mart
parking lot yesterday...
thinking about how well everything was going...
life was making a whole lot more sense...
I was (and am) slightly giddy about touching down
in the fatherland a slight 2 weeks from now.

life, I decided, was good...no...awesome.
it only makes sense that
at exactly! that point
I ran into Nebraska...
with my car.
(Im only 15% joking)

you'll be happy to know that
I am having none of his tom-foolery...
there is no way I would take on
the syndicate with only 4 people...
now matter how well armed...
and awesome we would be.
(33% joking)

lovely girlfriend
I believe you are in
luxemburg today...
I am jealous.
(of luxemburg...
it gets to see you before I do ;)

I had a good day.
I hope you had a great one.


I love you!

fortunate fool

so thats what an argument is like.
gah, Im so sure this wouldnt have happened
if we were together...
Im even sure that with another 32 minutes or less
we could have talked everything through...
I feel good though (is that strange?)
Ill take sudden revelation
over slow realization anyday.
and today...Ive had several

Im sorry.
but Im not worried,
and I am so excited to see you faith.
really, I wish it was today...
it would be so nice if it was today.

Im not coming out of obligation,
or because I think we need saving.
I just want to.
Right now (7.12am), its all I want to do.
(maybe Id put some pants on first)

can I be honest and say that Im
still wondering why you just cant tell
me what happened this week?

But I will suck it up.
Really.
(or fake it if I cant :)

and yes, this thing was ungood
and so much my fault.
it is so unfair that you
have to wonder through
this mine-field of my past experience.

I will get to a point soon,
where it is natural for me to
assume good things.

I know its lame to quote poetry...
but sometimes I just can't help it...
Im know you've heard this one before...
but today it meant something different...

-
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
-

it will be so good to see you.

What would have happened if we hadnt talked longer?
Nothing bad. I had convinced myself by Friday night that
I might only get to talk to you once before I came...
and that was horrible, but genuinely alright.
I was making all those things I wrote up you know...
at the end of the day,
all I was ever thinking was how much I missed you.

So, lets be done with this
(I know we might have to talk about it later...but for now)
and get down to the much happier business of being in love.

theres this great Stevie Wonder song
he says what Ive been thinking since last night.
"I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever"
(oh stevie, you so fine)
and I do. I am so very tempted to hedge that
with phrases like
"oh, who knows what paths a man must walk"
or some other sillyness.
But I really do believe that I will spend
the rest of my life in love with you.

It will be so wonderful to see you faith.
So incredibly wonderful.
how I cant wait to talk to you about small things!

I know that once again,
it will be sometime between our talking...
which I hope you have no worries about...
because I promise you that I dont.
I do have some questions (all trip related)
that you can get to when your able.
(as in...anytime before I leave...)


1) Is there any way that we could go to prague
on the friday I get there?
I know that you have to check in by the 17th.
If I wandered out to Berlin
by myself would you have time to do it Friday?
That way we could spend
the weekend there!
(and pick up the new Harry Potter book in Czech!)
oh but I would like to see you
the very second
that Im able...hmm...


2) I would love to stay with you...love it.
so we could stay up and talk...
fall asleep and wake up together...
I just think it would be better if
I had someplace else to be...
(though hopefully you'll try and change my mind)
so, do you know where the apartment your staying is?
I was planning on staying at the Generator,
but I would so much rather
have a hostel thats close to you.
(if you dont know thats alright)


thats about it really.
I know that you have school during the week...
so Im very slowly working out a rough
plan of some of the thing Id like to do...
some of the daytrips Id like to take...
I suspect you;ve seen all of these things already...
so it works out well...
(besides...I think you know that I like to wander by myself)
I hope you know that all of these things are secondary to you...
but I would love to come away from this trip with love for this place
your so fond of.
(you say you wont make me live there...
but Im not sure I believe you:)
So, I will make all these plans will the full intention
of breaking them if I get the chance
(except for the porsche factory...
Im kidding...its actually not on the list)


I'm starting to try and pick
up some german...less because
I think it will be useful while
Im there...
more because
I think my attempts
will amuse you.


love you babe.
thanks.

12 minutes ago I was sitting in a hot tub on the other
side of town.
I was talking to some people about...something....
when it suddenly occurred to me that I couldnt
bear the thought of you thinking that I was bothered...
or worried...

so I got up...excused myself...and drove across
town in my bathing suit...hoping that I could
write this out before you had a chance to check.

faith, Ive been so unfair...
I wish I was there now to tell you so.
I adore you babe...
and 18 day from now we will be dancing
in the streets of Berlin.

I need to get back to my hot-tub party...
they may wonder where Ive gone.