a murder of silhouettes

I have some important news.
news that could potentially alter
the course of our relationship

I like Tom Waits...
there I said it.
another potential disaster diverted.

So, I was an idiot tonight.
Well, maybe I wasnt--
but I felt like it.

Thats why Ive decided we shouldnt
talk on the phone anymore...
or...better you can call me
and Ill type to you.

Im kidding, of course.

I meant what I said tonight,
I really am proud of the way that things have
gone so far...

I just have more reason to try this time.

really, I had some things
that I wanted to talk to you about
and then...you made me forget.
I can see how they could have been very
important.
But if I remember Ill pass it along.

I think it was just more ranting
about the passing of time and old friends...
blah blah blah-

87 days you say?
alright. deep breath.

So, I think that Ive decided to go back
to Calgary...maybe...
alright.
maybe I haven't decided.
but I've decided to pretend that I've decided.

What I HAVE decided is that I should
built a high speed train between wherever
I am living and wherever you are.

even if its the same city.

I can't wait faith...

I was talking to my G-ma this morning
(Ill post a picture of her tomorrow)
I made her my special scrambled eggs...

Last year, for several reasons
I decided that it was essential that
...
wait
I think Ive talked about this before.
maybe not.
I just spent so long trying to convince
myself that I would be alright alone.
My fathers rationalization for most of his
questionable actions was
"that he couldnt be alone"
oki, like Ive said, there are alot of things
that are beneficial about the distance...
If only because I would never want to
dissuade you from doing something you wanted to...
This reflex has been working out alot lately,
and has become strong enough that it can even over-ride how
much I miss you
(it seems to me that my missing is inherently selfish
I miss you because of how you make ME feel
and because I like to look at your butt)
it makes me say things like
"faith, you know, you should really go back to germany next summer"

of course I don't actually mean this
and after I get off the phone I have to knee myself in the groin
for saying it.
Listen I know I'm not allowed to say the L-word
alright...just once: lesbian. (Stay away from Shawna!)
seriously.
no, seriously.
Im not even sure what love is Faith, and Im not sure
many other people do either.
(maybe people fall out of love because they
never knew what love was?)
Maybe we could try and find out together.

I say "maybe" alot.
also "clearly", "explain", and "I miss faith"

alright...I just thought of this whole other thing I wanted to write.
but...I have to work in 6.5 hours.
clearly thats not enough time...sleep blah tired.

thanks for calling me today.
I will have those CD's off by Monday.
seriously.
no, seriously.

also I love balsamic vinegar
top 5 foods or food products...easy.

I had an idea for a story tonight that Im going
to try and "suss" out. (I dont even know what that means)
Ill try and pass it on...some of it...maybe...sometime soon...
alright sleep. its just you and me.

Ill go over John CH.1 tomorrow.
it should all be there tomorrow morning.
if its not...Ive been abducted by models.